Bipolar disorder and depression

Hi, everyone, I am Anastasia and I am very ashamed of what I am doing, but I really need your help. I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks, and i had to be hospitalised three times because of these and i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression.. I am currently on treatment, but it is very expensive and I cannot afford it for the next 6 months. I really hope this medication will make me feel better and can erase the thoughts of ending my life. I am only 19 years old.. I am desperate and sometimes I feel like I cannot keep going... I am really scared, and I am crying all the time, I don t know what i ve done to deserve this,.. My family is very unhappy because of this condition, and i feel like a weirdo, but it feels that the disease is stronger than me.. I want to thank in advance for reading my story and for your support.. I really need this.. I wish you all the best and I m sending positive vibes to all of you, stay safe and be blessed!!! Xxx