2019 has been a good year and a bad year. mostly bad. well, the end of 2019 i was suck in a dv relationship that i can say that i didnt even want to be in in the first place. it started out that i was goingto help a friend out for a couple days that needed a place to stay. well, it ened up to be a relationship after a couple of days which was ok until a few days later. this guy hit one of my best friends with a trash can and i called the police on him. well my friend gad a warrant for her arrest which now all eyes were on her. he told the police that she had a warrant so that took the heat off him. immediately, he became crazy and controling, like with in minutes after they left. i couldnt believe he ghad dont that to my best freind. at that point i didnt want him there anymore. he bought roses to get me and did little things, but i knew something was wrong, it was always in the back of my head. a week later, i found out that this guy was a severe drug addict and not marijauna. i told him i could not be with somebody who did these types of things. i am now 42 and i can proudly say that i have never done drugs or tried them in my life. he tried to convince me that he would quit. he even went to a rehab center and needless to say that he stayed there for less than a week. his excuse was that he had to be with me. come to find out he had to be with me so he could watch me and make sure that there were no other men coming around. he started to alinate me from my friends and my family. everybody stopped coming around because they couldnt stand him. the real abuse began. first it was yelling. then it was name callin and accussing me of cheating. then he busted out all the windows and brike the door in my apartment. i would sometimes jump out the bathroom window. i did one time and came home and my windows were busted out. he hit me, pushed me, even hit me in the head with a work out weight. he went to jail for that around thanksgiving. a couple days after thanksgiving, he got out of jail. i wasnt home, but when i got home he was there in my house. i still to this day dont know how he got in my house. i was held hostage for 2 weeks. he took my phone or monitored my phone calls. i was helpless. i wasnt allowed to eat. my mom bought dinner and i worked for a lady down the street, helping her clean up. she was a heart patient. i went to her house to help her. i was gone for about an hour. i came back, he had taken my food out of the wrappers and set in on the ground for me to eat like a dog. i worked for that lady and he would have to go with me while i worked to make sure there were no men. i went alone that day because he must have had drugs he didnt want me to know about. i had another job that was seasonal. he got the same job so he could watch me. he stole my money all the time. i never got to eat hardly ever. i called the police so many times. they told me they couldnt do anything because he told them he lived there. they told me to go file a pfa. i couldnt because he followed me everywhere. in december, he stabbed me in the face. i ran and i kept running. he was arrested. not for stabbing me like i thought. it was for violating the pfa order that i didnt know about because it was an extended order that the judge gave hin until he went to court for hitting me with the workout weight. i went to court jsu recently for the work out weight because when he stabbed me they let him out of jail. he had been on the run this whole time. they let him out after serving 49 days and gave him anger management and drug and alcohol treatment which i know he is not going to go to. they also issued another pfa order which didnt save me the last time. so, now i dont sleep at night. someone put my address on facebook. so im constantly watching my back. i put chairs up against the door at night. i have a fiance. weve been together since this happened. hes my moms neighbor so we have known eachother for years and were good friends. we were together for maybe 2 weeks when he asked me to marry him. a month to the day we got together, he bought our wedding set. he had has his problems too. he was also abused. he was abused by his 16 year old son that is now 17. his son would hit him and push him down. im 4 foot 11 and hes about 5 foot2 so, were kinda little people. his son is almost 6 foot and atleast 250. this boy has busted his dads head open. hes almost broken his nose. he punched holes in the walls. hes destroyed alot of pieces to this home and theres no maintenane man to call because my fiance owns it. they boy finally ran away and the DA is looking for him. i live in fear everday and everynight. any strange sound scares me. weve dealt with the problems with this boy our whole relationship. his mother didnt want him so i told him to come stay with us and this is the thanks we got in return. all the things that me and my fiance have gone through, we have managed to stick together. now its almost christmas. thats my favorite. we really didnt ahve a christmas last year so i wanted him to have the best because niether one of us has much family we talk to. my son is in the army and just left2 weeks ago for korea so he wont be here this chrtistmas. i talk to him everyday via facebook, but it wont be the same. my fiance saved my life. had we not gotten together, i would have went home and that guy would have got out of jail and killed me. i have no doubt and im still worried about that. i want to installa security system, but we cant afford it. so just when we are trying to put our lives back together and im trying to calm my ptsd from this horrific stuff that i have been through, my fiance gets a letter from his job a couple of days ago. everybodys being laid off january 1,2020. companies seem to like to do this around the holidays. our car broke down a few days before that. our dream is to open our own company and keep our home and have a merry christmas and a wonderful life but we just cant seem to get there. so, i am trying to rause money to keep our home and pay bills. i have found a cheap truck to purchase but we cant afford it.we have talked about our dream of owning a food trailer, but we cant afford it. we cant afford to fix our damaged home, our broken car etc. once we figured out finances and tried to start saving, all of this came at once. i am praying to god that there are people out there that will help us, but at the end of the day , we will always have god and eachother. i would liek to wish everybody a happy thanksgiving, merry christmas and a happy new year. im praying for a miracle. god bless you all and your families.