Brief version of my story:
I am a domestic violence survivor. I have been through financial, psychological and emotional abuse for the past almost decade while married to my soon-to-be-ex. During this time, he tried to alienate me from friends, family and coworkers. I was told that I wasn't allowed to make friends at work. He told my mom I never fed my children and they were starving when left alone with me. But when she face timed with me, we were all cooking spaghetti together. He lied to me about my brother, my old roommate, several close friends, in attempt to separate the relationships that meant the most to me. There were days where I would receive a paycheck that morning and by that afternoon we had less than $18 in our account because he had spent it all on music equipment on Craigslist.He promised me that if I ever left him, he would ruin my life, and that is exactly what he is trying to do.
I have spent time in multiple domestic violence centers from Nashville to North Georgia. I have been working with the Partnership for families and children in Chattanooga as well as the Family Justice Center. I have documented everything I can over the years and have journals upon journals of the things that have happened. Part of this journey includes me finding bruises on my sons back, where his father beat him at age 4 for having a messy room. He had bruises all over his little back. I went to the domestic violence center in Murfreesboro (where we lived at the time) and reported it. CPS showed up at our house to investigate. At this time, my ex deleted my facebook, my gmail account, and changed my phone number in an effort to prevent me from being reachable. It worked. The case was eventually closed as I was "non responsive". He followed me to doctor and therapist appointments. I wasn't to be left alone. This made reporting things and making progress very difficult.
Eventually, we moved back to Chattanooga where my support system is. It wasn't two months after we moved here that I had to call the police on him. He was disabling my car so I couldn't leave. This has happened on multiple occasions both at work and at home in attempt to keep me isolated and prevent me from leaving. This night, the police made him give me my keys back and reconnect my car battery so I could leave. This night I left for good. I took my children and went to my dads house. Little did I know that this is where things would get worse. If you ever wonder why people stay in abusive situations, this is why. It's called Legal abuse. He is now using the legal system to abuse me.
In the two years since this legal process has started, he has had me falsely arrested as well as assaulted by a local Chattanooga police officer. I was able to get the charges dropped, but this cost me $7500 in legal fees. In the meantime, I have been in physical therapy, seeing a chiropractor and two therapists just trying to stay sane through it all. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety from marital abuse. Now, he is using PTSD from marital abuse to try and get full custody of my children. Anyone who knows me knows that my kids are my life. I have volunteered in orphanages since i was 14 years old. I have a degree in child psychology. I was a nanny for many many families before having my own. I never wanted this. I didn't want my family to fall apart. But I couldn't handle the abuse anymore. Now, I am in a position where I hardly get to see my children because I am divorcing a police family in North GA, where he called me a pansexual witch in court, and for some insane reason, this stuck. Unfortunately, we live in a society where survivors are not believed or heard. We are seen as emotional and unstable. This is simply not the case. I have done everything I can think of to protect myself, to reach out for help, to stay afloat and do what is best for my children and myself. But I need help. I need assistance financially.
Back story: ALL of Ramsey's tactics are coming from my friend's divorces & custody cases.
They've used PTSD against me, which is documented by a psychiatrist as being "caused from marital abuse". They've used it to limit my time with my children. This is a direct violation of the ADA. I have reported it as such.
This is what abuse looks like. If you wonder why people stay in abusive relationships, THIS is why.
I know some people think I speak up a lot here, but i promise you, you only see a minuscule portion of my story here. I could, and very well may, write a book about it.
What hurts me the most is that my children are suffering because I chose to marry this abusive individual. And there's very little I can do to stop the abuse towards them. If you want to see something super sad, see how they act around me. They cling to me. They act like every time they see me could be the last. They NEED me in a way a 7 & 5 year old shouldn't. My 7 year old asked me if when my breastmilk came in for the baby if he could nurse too. He weaned years ago. This isn't normal. It's a form of trying to get as much of mom as you can because your needs are not being met. It's his response to the abuse. It's him wanting to feel a connection with me when he hardly gets to see me.
My daughter asked me if I would love the baby more than her and told me her dad told her that I didn't love her or I would give them more things. He didn't have enough food at his house, and chose to blame it on me. So he told the kids I didn't love them enough to share my food with them. I had no idea they needed anything because he doesn't communicate their needs or wants with me. He just berates me and makes the kids feel like I don't care.
He monitors all of our phone calls. I can't even have a private conversation with the kids, which is also against court order. But in a white mans world, I'm just a woman. I've taken him to court for contempt on phone calls 3 x and nothing has come of it. They don't care. But you know what they do care about? $$$$$$$$$$$$$ I'm behind in child support because he had me arrested on false charges. I had to hire a criminal defense attorney to subpoena the security cameras from Whole Foods to prove this fool was halucinating and made up the entire story. That cost me about $7K. I'm exactly $7,400 behind in child support. OH, forgot to mention it was all miscalculated from the beginning. I'm only getting credit for $95 a month in insurance. I pay almost $400.The courts don't care.
You know what they do care about?? $$$$$$ And they've threatened to throw me in jail if I can't come up with the absurd demands before my baby is born. The order actually states that I will be tossed in jail 10 days postpartum if I'm behind in child support. Because in the USA, we sell people for money. Great country we have here huh? This is why I have reached out to international resources to assist. This is messed up. It's not normal. It's abuse.
I'm doing the best I can. Know if I go down, that it wasn't without a fight. If I go down, spread my story far and wide.
I'm hurting. I'm struggling in a way I never have before. I am doing everything I can to get caught up with court fees, lawyer fees and child support (grossly miscalculated at right under $1k a month). But I need help. I am currently 7 months pregnant and don't have much time. Everything helps. If you can't donate yourself, perhaps you can share my story with someone who can. Even just $1 from everyone would make the biggest difference.