So, I'm guessing the lack of photos and personal details on this won't help me in my goal to raise money but I'm hoping even putting this into words will be slightly cathartic at least.
For all intents and purposes, on the outside i am a perfectly normal male. Decent job in client services where i have been employed for over 10 years, beautiful girlfriend, house together and a pet dog.
In reality, I am a mess. I live in a world of constant lies and anxiety driven depression. I want out.
I have a mountain of debt that has led to me joining a debt management plan which i pay off on a monthly basis but it means i can no longer get a loan (even of the pay day loan variety) or an overdraft.
I borrow money from family on a monthly basis via a plethora of excuses. I never let my partner see our shared bank account for fear of her leaving me and I really just cannot do it anymore. I need help.
Why do i need help, one simple word, cocaine.
I live in Northern Ireland and drugs have always been prevalent in my life since my early teens. Smoking dope with my friends , popping a few pills at a rave which i never really thought anything of. It was a weekend thing and was never much of a concern (well, to me anyway).
Then i was introduced to cocaine. God, it seemed so glamorous. Famous people did coke. Not people born and bred in council housing. Or so i thought, but even back then, it was a once a week occurance.
I'm now well passed my teenage years but now i have an entirely secret relationship with cocaine that is destroying me and will collapse my entire life should it come out and i need to stop it. I take coke daily, sometimes even before 9am which leads to me being on it all day. I tried to speak to someone about it before and their response was 'just don't do it'. I wish it was that easy
At this stage I owe out £3400 to some rather shady people and instead of being in constant contact on a weekly basis. I want them out of my life for good but i've exhausted the good will of my friends and family through my constant lies (which thankfully havent been found out but are no doubt no less tiresome).
I also know i need professional help and would like to use the reminder of my goal target to check into a dedicated rehab facility
I understand this is going to sound as if its entirely my fault and i should simply deal with the issues as i have brought them all on myself. Which i actually agree with but I need help and I'm simply hoping a small percentage of people can relate to this.
I would see any money donated as a loan and would ask you specify a charity when donating so i can pay the money back. My aim is too pay £100 / £200 a month back.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Help spread the word!