Addicted to helping

My name is Adam. I live in Europe. Actually, there is a story behind my funding but you won't find here someone who will be hungry without your donation or who is deadly sick. So if you have in mind to help someone really needy, please search on. I rather address this to people who might have experienced something similar or really understand the situation. I just want to recover money stolen from me in a very cruel way so I could move on and be who I was.

This text is long as hell. I don't mind that most of people do not like to read long texts. I don't mind that this should be short and catchy as an advertisement. This is just my story.

I am 32 years old now but since I remember I had this need to do more for others than for myself. And it is not just empathy, people say that I might have something with my brain so I cannot stop thinking of how to help someone who needs it. Imagine someone who won't eat anything for few days because he gave away last money to someone in need. Imagine someone who takes responsibility for a person with depression even when can't handle the own one. Imagine someone who drops his dreams to make others days better. Imagine someone who takes others problem more seriously then they do. Imagine someone who takes every chance to make others simile. That's me. I really like to do this but it turned out that nowadays it may give you a lot of pain and disappointment.

When I was at elementary school I remember to support a colleague who was bullied just because he was born in a poor family and was an altar boy. I sided with him even against my best friend.

I also remember to help the other colleague to study chemistry and geography since I was really good at this and he could not handle any subject. He wasn't dumb or lazy or anything like that. I had noticed that he just had a wrong approach and was very afraid of failure. Since I started to help, he started getting better grades.

When I was at high school, I met two girls (one by another) who wanted to commit a suicide. At that time, I remember considering this as stupid, since many people at hospitals want to live but they die. Could not understand but I took every single moment to support these girls. To distract them from thinking of suicide. I put there a lot of commitment just like that. It took over 2 years with one of them and around one year with the other. But I happen to know they both live until today.

When I was at the university I remember one situation when I bought train tickets for three homeless people. Just the ticket inspector did not want them to get into the train without tickets and they were heading to their flop house. I bought them these tickets even though I did not earn any money back then. Just got a scholarship and little money from my parents.

I remember to spent 5 of my first salaries to take my parents for a holidays abroad. They have never been abroad before. Of course I had to take them separately as they are divorced and cannot handle each other in one room. It was worth it, I remember their joy and how memorable it was.

There were also may more of other small things I have done for others. Like buying food, helping in daily issues/tasks, No room here to write about everything.

I just want to mention two stories which happened to within last 3 years.

First, there was a girl I met who was very scared of life and who suffer from mental abuse at home. I remember her back then having the saddest eyes I have seen and being very sensitive person who smile to the trees(yes, trees), hug them, pet any animal she met. I tried to support her just by spending time with her and cheer her up but suddenly she disappeared without notice. I could not contact with her anyhow and I moved to another city few months later. After over a year I met her again by accident but it turned out she went into drugs and became addicted to heroin. She still liked to hug trees but her addiction was serious. I decided to help her even though she told me that she is aware that only 2% of addicts quits heroin. At fist she didn't care but after some time with me taking care of her she decided to quit. Also one thing more have changed at that time, her eyes stopped to be so sad. It was noticeable and it made me stronger to believe that she can handle the addiction. Some time before she was sent off to a sort of "National Drug Addition Treatment Center" (government facility) for 6 months but it did not help much. In the country we live it is not very efficient (if anywhere is). She did not believe that such facilities can help and she was afraid of it as she had already been there bullied by other residents. After many months of struggling with difficulties I convinced her to take a substitution therapy. She accepted that and is now on methadone therapy since almost half of a year. I do not have much of a contact with her since then but occasionally I am checking whether she is not getting back to the heroin, I am also still supporting her a little. She is doing fine, study hard and wants to go to the university. I feel good about it.

During that time there was also some one else I fall in love with and she (pretend to?) love me as well. She was also someone who needed an attention since she had a difficult childhood with a father who did her a terrible thing. We felt good with each other. Shortly, I was dating her with a little turbulence for some time when she has told me she has a brain tumor and going to die soon. She has showed me some medical papers. I was shocked and a very few days later I proposed to her believing that she needs more support and to feel that she won't be left alone in this difficult situation. Since then she was asking me about many things saying that she wants to do or have something before she will die. Go there or somewhere else, have a tattoo, have this or that. She also asked me about some money for medicines, therapy, examinations, etc. I was really involved looking for help. Writing letters to Mayo clinic if they can support somehow, reading books about cancer treatments, searching for therapies, worrying, searching for solution, and giving money in believe that it helps. After 7 months of such live it turned out that there is no tumor and all this was to use me and get some money for having fun.

I ended up at psychiatrist and it took me over a year to get better. All the treatment and therapies were expensive, costed me a lot of nerves and I've almost lost my job. Of course I could go to a court and sue that person for what she did. I had enough proofs but a friend of mine told me that I won't get anything back and I will lost additional nerves in the court. He told me to instead of using my time to get justice, I should use it to get better and move on. A really good friend. Unfortunately, the law in a country I live in is not really "good people-friendly" and indeed chances I could get some justice were miserable. Additionally, there is a chance that my former fiancée is mentally ill so how to decide if punish her more?

Meanwhile, I took a mortgage to buy an apartment and all the money I had for finishing it went gone, so now since I cannot afford to hire some contractors I am doing every thing slowly on my own. Have never done such things but day by day it is going on. I am doing this after work all alone, there is no one even to hold my ladder. At the moment I am close to have a bathroom and one room with real bed (YAY!) However recently my car broke down so additional difficulty ahead.

I understand that all this should be calculated into what I do or basically into life. Sometimes I am ashamed that I got fooled this way. I am just trying to recover what I have lost to get back on the track. And I do that in many ways; working overtime, writing book about my life stories, developing mobile applications, savings, or with this funding. What I have notice since all of this is that it is harder to break me.

I have never asked anyone for help. I have also never get anything by using someone. When I am on my track again I will be still doing what I have been doing so far. Helping others.