Starting over

I'm a stay at home mom who's been in a controlling mentally physically and emotionally abusive relationship with my husband for going on 6 years....I've been home with my kids now for 3 years ...we currently live with my in laws and thru his lies and manipulation they now hate me and are sick of the fighting...im being evicted from the home and the 9th is my last day...he had told me that we would be doing this together and that he was sorry and would change and we could make it work and that we would be leaving on the 9th together ...well he's not keeping his word and has once again turned on me and refuses to help me be ok...I don't want to get into the details but I can give a short over view of my life the past 3 years .....I've not been able to drive, or leave the home without my husband, not even to the store, I'm forced to sit home for days at a time..this last time was the longest time at 14 days straight. ...he cuts off my access to the WiFi so I can't contact anyone...breaks my things...lies to everyone about me and what I do or don't do...he's been to jail for hitting me after 6 hours of being trapped inside his parents home they came back finally and I thought I was saved finally....but they took his side and started yelling at me blaming me saying that I was the blame for it and I pushed him to do it....he takes away my kid..making my son feel ashamed or scared to show me love....he's constantly saying he is sorry for everything he does and he's only 3...my oldest son I sent to live with his dad...the stress was causing him to act out and I couldn't take watching him suffer bc I'd allowed myself to get into a situation that wasn't healthy for him...I've not seen him in almost 3 months ...he's never been away from me...and it's killing me...but I know it's better for him to be there than here....I can't have company or friends period..I'm not allowed to be left alone with my youngest son...which is bc my husband thinks I will run away with him...and honestly if I had a way I would ..I've reached out to my family. .they all say go to a shelter ...but they don't understand that being in this house abused told I'm worthless Isolated for going one 3 1/2 years now an then having to go to a shelter surrounded by new people no car no job no money no kids (bc they aren't going to allow me to leave with my kid without huge drama )and unless I can take care of him I wouldn't want to take him from here. .he loves his dad and nanny.. all of that on top of facing divorce and escaping the what seems to be a endless battle of up and down back and foth i love you i hate you im sorry f*** you leave no stay if you go ill make you pay toxic relationship and regardless of how I'm treated by him I still love him...he's made me completely dependant in every way on him and he does whatever is needed to get his way and messes my head up so badly...he tells me he's sick bi polar needs help he can't control it he just gets mad but he does love me and he's sorry....and I fall for it everytime....I've had 3 cars traded for ...he refuses to either take me or help me and come off something that the person wanted to trade that was his..he says he owes me nothing...that I'm not worth it...he says I deserve to have to start from the bottom...I could go on and on about the things i have faced and i know that even tho my life hasnt been the picture perfect image i had in my head and i dont deserve to be manipulated hit intimidated used belittled controlled or made to feel worthless that it could be so so so much worse and I'm blessed that it's not.. ..I did this because anytime I reach out or attempt to secure my life or future or something good happens to me he finds a way to stop or take or ruin it.... I'm scared that's what he will do with this bit im hoping that being what it is and me fibally speaking up and asking publicly for help thar he will just leave me alone for fear of his selfimage and his reputation suffering if he atempted to meas this up...so to sum it up im raising funds to hopefully be able to get myself a car... (he put our car in his dads name) if i could somehow get myself mobile i know that i can do this an be ok..I can get to work be selfsufficent and wont feel so trapped and helpless if a shelter is where i end up....im not asking for pitty or for a million dollars...i just need a car ...to be able to get to work (which I've applied for and can show proof if needed ) and have a better chance at getting my son's back...and actually making it...i don't know what else to do...im running out of time...i don't have a single person to help me...and I'm scared to death I'll end up homeless on the streets in a shelter on top of having to cope with everything that comes with leaving him....feel free to message me with any resources or encouragement or to share your story if similar. This is truly the hardest thing I've ever done...I feel so stupid to even be asking for help like this...