'44 fat and fed up' will be the inscription on my headstone if something doesn't change. I've always been big I guess. I was brought up for the first seven years of my life in a children's home in Sutton Coldfield. I even remember the address, 133 Birmingham Road. I was there with my older brother and sisters. I am the youngest of six. We went back to live with my mum in Handsworth and hand on heart, my early memories were all good. Except when we left the children's home we wasn't allowed to take our toys with us we had to leave them for the next lot of children. I had a really active childhood, I was in trees or falling out of them. Building tree houses and playing spies in the cemetery at Handsworth Park. Cycling everywhere, running everywhere and just enjoying my childhood. My earliest memory of my weight being an issue was when the school nurse had my mum take me to a dietician at Dudley Road Hospital when I was 8 or 9. I remember him saying "it was puppy fat and she'll grow out of it". I never did. I was a very active child though and my mum couldn't understand why I was considered overweight. I could run without stopping the 3 miles home from school at a steady pace, I used to cycle to my sisters near Walsall which us quite a distance. I was a tomboy so played football to, no one could say I wasn't an active child. In my teens, around 16 or 17 I had huge breasts which was embarrassing. I remember changing doctors and this doctor got me to strip off in front if him and lay on the couch and all he said was "have you always been so big?" I was mortified. I should of reported him but just got dressed and left. I often wonder if it's because my weight was a issue to everyone that it suddenly became a real issue to me. I was self conscious about my body and never felt comfortable within my own skin. I also suffered with Psoriasis, I was completely covered head to toe which didn't help at all. My weight seemed to pile on during my 18th 19th year. I didn't over eat, I couldn't. What money I earned my mum took. My mum cooked our meals, which was good honest home cooking. Meat and two veg era and narna butties!! I met my fist husband in October 1987, I thought I was huge back then but when I look at the one picture I have of me when I was eighteen oh my god, I wish I looked like that now. I was about a size 16 (UK size) waist down and 18 waist up because of my boobies. Things were tough at home around this time. My mum didn't want me to marry and really gave me a hard time. My brother also made things very difficult for me also. There was some physical violence involved from them, I guess I married to escape Birmingham. Little did I know it was the case of better the Devil you know!! I got married in 1988, two days after my 19th birthday and moved away from Birmingham up to Whaley Bridge in the High Peak. Between then and early 1991 I suffered six miscarriages and my weight always seemed to match my age. Eventually in January 1992 I had Kristan, our first son. I caught pregnant again almost straight away and in January 1993 I had Jason our second son. I remember when I came home from hospital after having Jason, the neighbours commented on the fact they never even knew I was pregnant. That's how bad my weight had got. From that point I had asked for weight loss surgery but the doctor just laughed at me. My husband eventually started looking elsewhere for his 'entertainment' and had a few affairs. We split when Jason was about 3 months old. I became a single Mum of two boys and the youngest has Aspergers Syndrome. I remarried in 2003 to a man in Essex after moving there in 2001. It was going to be the worst mistake of my life! He controlled me in a way I never thought a man could. He took my independence, my money, my freedom and my two sons away from me. My sons went to live with their dad while I was in Essex, it was so hard living without them. I lost all contact with my family in Birmingham to. He beat me down emotionally for a few years that I ended up not being able to think for myself or make my own decisions about anything. Life was just an existance. He even manage to convince me to take an overdose to avoid going to court to face a lad who mugged me at knifepoint a couple years previous. He said that that was the only way to avoid it and he wouldn't take me to court and then I would get arrested if I just didn't go. Now I know it was all rubbish what he was saying but back then he had worked his magic on me and I just did as I was told. I remember being taken to hospital in the ambulance and in A & E he sat next to me while I was being treated and being treated in not a nice way because I was wasting their time. He sat there holding my hand getting all the sympathy from the staff while I was getting the dirty looks. I remember thinking 'you put me here'. All his family thought I was mad, no one believed me that my husband was this wicked manipulative man. When my son Jason came to stay one weekend he sat and cried and told me he was so unhappy at his dads and he could see I was so unhappy here with Dave so why don't we just live together. He helped me escape that weekend. It was all planned like a military exercise. We packed a few things while Dave was out and put Jason to bed in clothes he didn't mind leaving behind and waited. Dave came home and while he was in the loo I pinched his wallet out of his trousers and put it in my knickers and lay back down. I could not sleep at all. I didn't even know if there was enough money to get back from Essex to Stockport. I got up and went to the loo to check. I took all the money out and wrapped it in loo paper and put it back in my knickers and lay back down. Come 5am Dave bolted up and shouted "what is wrong with you?" I told him straight I was leaving him and he just laughed. He said I wouldn't be able to cope without him and I was being silly. He also said I couldn't because I had no money. Then he checked his trousers, my heart was in my throat banging and banging I could almos hear it. He demanded his wallet back and I told him once I'm out the house he could have it. I woke Jason up and he just got dressed, grabbed his bag and went downstairs and waited like it was planned. I came downstairs with Dave behind me asking for his wallet. Then he said 'you're not leaving till you sign your half of the council house over to me". I did as I was told and scribbled it on a piece of paper and signed it. He said "but I love you, we can work it out" at which I replied "I dont love you and haven't for a very long time". I was free at last. 05.30 on a Sunday morning October 2005 stood on a street in the dark in Harlow, Essex. I never went back. I'm 44 now and about 27 stones. Over the years I tried everything to lose weight. Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Hip and Thigh Diet, starvation, appetite suppressants, Slimfast, dodgy pills off the internet, laxatives and purging. I've probably left out ten or twenty others. I have worked over the years and my last job ended about three tears ago due to ill health. I was diagnosed with OA and Fibromyalgia. I was a bus driver and because of the medication I was on I lost my PCV license and car license. I didn't just 'sit on my arse all day', which is the usual stereotypical view of bus drivers, I used to work roughly 14 plus hours a day. I was a union representative as well as a driver. My health took a wrong turn when me and my friend Mark started going to the gym in our split. I found when I got back to the office I couldn't walk. The pain was excruciating. My docs said it was my weight. When my arms stopped working and I was given a brace to wear to help drive, management took me off the road. I never drove again. I went to my doctors and told them they couldn't blame the problems in my arms on my weight so they referred to Rheumatology and after scans and X-rays and blood tests I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. My current ailments are: High blood pressureHyperthyroidismMorbid obesityOsteoarthritis of lumber spine, hips, knees and anklesFibromyalgiaPsoriasisSleep Apnea It was a difficult time for me, it was like mourning the death of a family member. Losing my job, my friends, my independence. Our finances took a dive. We lost over £1200 a month in wages. I lost my car 'Petal', she was my first visible sign of independence after leaving Essex in 2005 with just the clothes on my back after the breakdown of my second Marriage. I guess the only good thing I had left after losing my job was my third husband, Dave. Bless him. He started out with an active but obese wife 12 years his senior and ended up with an old disabled wife and he was only 31. We muddled through like you do. We even split up for a time because I felt that he shouldn't be stuck with me at his age, he didn't sign up for this. I tried to give him a way out but he chose not to take it. Well in 2012 while waiting for the birth of my grandson Harrison I had a surprised pregnancy which resulted in the birth of my third son Ethan in April 2013. My health was poor and really couldn't face starting all over again. I had a son in the Army and another son with Aspergers making his way through life as a Jehovah's Witness. I had done all my baby rearing and was over it!! But with my husbands promise of help and support we carried on. My husband is 12 years my junior so wanted another child. He has a daughter to his previous relationship. Well Ethan was born by C Section and was diagnosed with Downs Syndrome at birth. It was a tremendous shock for all of 20 minutes, then all my maternal instincts kicked in. While he was in neonatal for three weeks I was suffering with extremely dangerously high blood pressure and wound infections and cellulitis. I was in and out of hospital. We both were eventually discharged after three weeks. Since all of this has happened my health has deteriorated. I am practically housebound. I need help from family to look after Ethan while my husband is at work as my mobility is poor and some days I can't get out of bed. I have begged my doctors for weight loss surgery but because I can't go on the Paris Scheme because I can't use a gym due to my limitations I am not entitled to help. I find this frustrating because in the long run I would be less of a drain on the NHS and the Government if they gave me the surgery now but they would rather pay my DLA for care and pay for my mobility car and pay for all my prescriptions indefinitely. I want to go back to work, I miss my life I had three years ago. I want to be able to look after Ethan as he grows and help him with all his requirements due to having Downs Syndrome. But sadly because I'm not fit enough to use gym equipment and unable to access the PARIS Scheme, I'm destined to a life within these four walls and eventually a life in my bed. Two if my ex work colleagues both had weigh loss surgery because they lived in Tameside and still work and are healthy now. I live in Stockport and the Primary Care Trust has a list of boxes to tick before you are entitled to the surgery and I tick all the boxes except for one. I think people should be treated on their merit, not on the boxes they can tick. A few weeks ago I sat in my doctors in floods of tears absolutely breaking my heart whilst explaining that I couldn't even care for my own basic needs in my personal care and my husband had to do things for me no one should ever have to ask them to do. I explained that I couldn't carry my son as he slipped through my hands sometimes now he's bigger. I needed help to clean myself and all the meds they had given me for pain wasn't working. I asked again about weight loss surgery and explained that my cardiologist wanted me to be referred for it, again he mentioned the PARIS scheme. Arrrggghhhh, I begged him for help and his reply "you're obviously not ready to lose weight otherwise you would accept the scheme". I came out at breaking point, I sobbed and sobbed. My husband was furious. I guess my doctor assumes fat=lazy. It must be hard not to assume that when we watch these bariatric Surgery shows that shows people stuffing their faces and basically taking the piss. It makes me so angry. The attitude of 'it's ok I can eat what I want because the surgery will cure all my problems'. It's because of people who abuse the system that make it hard for people who are in genuine need. So with a humble heart I ask you who are more financially fortunate than I am to help me reach my dream of a new life instead if this existance. Please if you can donate some of your spare money to my cause. I want to be alive to enjoy Ethan's life. I want to be well enough to work again. Because I don't fill the criteria for the gastric bypass operation on the NHS, I'm having to resort to this measure. thank you for taking your time to read this and get a little snippet into my life.