A family and a home. The two things we want the most in this world.
My husband and I are two foreigners living in Japan. He left China 16 years ago and entered a language-school then university here. 10 years later, when he was already a father of two, his marriage fell apart. His wife kept the house, the family business and the children. What he got was a promise that in case he pays the child support the ex-wife demanded, he can see his children once a month. I`m from Hungary, a small Eastern-European country I left 8 years ago to find my dreams in Japan. Hard work it took to earn my tuition fees during my university years, but with saving every single penny and borrowing some money from my family, I ended up starting my very first full-time employment in Kyoto. Two years later, I spoke fluent Japanese. At the company I earned the respect and trust of my colleagues and I was embraced by the love of my students. At home, I was trying to find the courage to tell my family about my divorce, show a smile and act like this is really not the end of the world, despite the shame, hopelessness and lonelyness I felt. Then one day, a desperate man walked into our job interview who needed a place to work, earn money to see his children and everything changed. Two broken hearts met and we saved each other.
We both had absolutely nothing but each other and our dreams that one day we can move out from our 20 square meter rented apartment and have a real home and children of our own. About two years ago we decided to finally get a loan, build a house in the countryside and try for a baby. I was in and out of hospitals after I got my first period. I had all sorts of problems. Loosing too much blood or having no period at all. Terrible cramps, headaches, fatigue. No hospitals, no doctors knew what the problem was. Finally, I was diagnosed with PCOS during my highschool years and put onto the pill. The easiest thing to do to cover up the problems if you don`t know how to treat your patient. I was on birthcontrol pills for about 10 years when a kidney trouble led me to a gynecologyst in Japan who was horrified to hear my story and got me off the pills. 5 years later, we were knocking on the door of a fertility clinic with my husband to ask for help and the endless clomid cycles, injections, blood tests, flushing of fallopian tubes started. Two years has passed without any progress. We were already building our house from the loan we managed to take when my doctor suggested me to consider the IVF treatment since I turned 34 and my chance to become pregnant is about to decrease.
You must know that medical care in Japan is great, but the national health insurance doesn`t support the infertility treatments. My first IVF cycle started in October but because of complications I suffered as a PCOS patient, my first FET (frozen embryo transfer) occured only a week ago, on January 15th. Unfortunately in Japan only 1 embryo is allowed to be transfered at a time so while the success rate is encouraging, you need more cycles and more money to reach your goal. We just received a partial bill of my first treatment cycle, which is about 3 months of my husband`s salary. I quit my job last summer, because the fertility treatment demanded me to be in the clinic whenever I was told and I simply couldn`t manage to get so many hours and days off work..
All of a sudden, our life is upside down again. Due to lack of funds, we are living in one of the rooms of our unfinished house without flooring, bare drywalls, no furniture. Everything is covered by a thin white dust of gypsium. I know we should be grateful to have roof above our heads, water and electricity but from the end of March, we have to start paying our loan back.. if not, we may lose our house, our credibility, the life we finally managed to put together. I have been desperately trying to find a part-time job but as a foreigner, it is really hard to make any progress. My husband works hard, he`s trying to be positive, but it`s so difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have been dreaming of becoming a mother for so long but this home is no home for a newborn. If the IVF treatment fails? There is no way we can afford another cycle. Family and home.. they our just slipping out of our hands.
I have never asked for help like this in my entire life. Every single word I type is so hard to put down.. Despite how unconditionally understanding my husband is, I`m ashamed of my condition, that I can`t bear children on my own. I really wish you NEVER have a problem like this!
If you would consider supporting us to get out of this hopeless situation we would be grateful forever. Your donation would get us the two most important things: a family and a home. Literally. We would turn every single penny into a can of paint, a nail in the wall and wouldn`t have to give up the fertility treatment for a baby.
Thank you so much for your time to read our story!
Lilla & Teky