A Cry For Help Before Drowning

I have reached a point in my life where I am left with nothing. Loneliness and despair pushed me to do suicide many times but it was not an easy decision with three kids.

Trials of my life started the day I got married.On the second day of marriage my in-laws abused me and sent me back to my mothers home as they were not happy with dowry and gifts which they got from my parents.My parents gave them more money and make them happy and treat me nicely .However,no amount of gifts and money improved their behaviour towards me.My husband who was looking an absolutely gentle and handsome boy before marriage turned into an abuser soon after marriage.He used to beat me violently and curse me for his financial struggles that I brought just 'badnassebi'(bad luck) in his life .We used to live in the joint family system and his mother never stopped him from doing any bad behaviour towards me in fact she always accused me for everything.My own parents were unable to do anything for me as they were themselves burdened with other unmarried sisters.They always advised me to face everything with 'sabr'(patience).With this rain and sunshine life kept going with this abusive behaviour .My husband left me with three kids with his parents in village and went to United Kingdom to find a better future for him .My mother in law was very controlling lady and she never allowed me to go and see my parents .She used to take all household jobs from me and never gave any money to help me and my kids.My husband always promised that he will let me and my kids come to UK but it never happened.One day on our marriage anniversary he phoned me and told that he has married another woman in UK.This was a 'surprise' gift by him on our marriage anniversary.I burst into tears .Now his mother refused to keep me with kids inside her house throwed us in the street.I went to my parents house for some shelter.But they also could not support me .They kept me for a few days but because of financial struggles they asked me to get a house on rent and raise my kids at my own.I started living in a rented house in the beginning with the help of some financial help from friends and family but later my life started turning into hell.In deep depression I was unable to find any work for me .We got trapped in the claws of debts.It was and still it is hard to continue kids education.Sometimes we are having nothing to eat.Kids miss their dad who is happily married with new wife in UK and has made us part of his past and have no time to remember us.I have no money to pay bills,pay rent money and continue kids education.Many times I reached at the bank of city 's river with three kids to do a suicide .But every time my kids little smiles pushed me back who always think that they are there for a 'picnic'.I cannot put my kids pics coz it will be harmful for izzat (respect) of my in laws and they will prefer killing us for making their name ' bad' publically.They will kill us for their 'honour' but will not help us for humanity.I am at verge of choosing death over this life full of misery and hoplessness.Can you help me come out of my burdens?