Parents deceased, family astranged, trying over and over to stabalize. I finally realized how badly i need help.

I feel a little odd doing this. i know some people may find this silly but I thought id try. Im 28 years old. Im sitting on a greyhound bus headimg back to my hometown of san jose california after living in Shreveport LA for 1 year. In that year i thought i was doing well. i had gotten a job and was saving money, doing normal life things. Then POOF it was gone.

My mom died march 26th 2009 of cirosis (liver failure) and my dad followed 2 years later on Dec 12th 2011 from an aneurysm brought on by continued drug use and severe depression. At the time of my moms death i had made the choice to drop out of highschool. I was in 11th grade. Why i did this? Probably due to my own drug use. Or my depression that i was prescribed welbutrin and prozac for. Or because watching my mom die so slowly was not really sitting well with me yet i didnt show it.

The point of that information is; im starting to see my life is a continuous up and down battle. I do well and then fail. I get back on drugs and that gives me the desire to do well but when im clean i would rather just curl up and hide forever. Im not on my meds. Ive gone off and off of them many times now. Which is not wise to do with prozac. Im heading back to california because its my home. I want to see my grandma whom ive avoided so i dont burden her with my struggles, but she is 81 and i cant bear to think of her passing before i see her.

What i need is help. Yes basically im asking for help with something a grown woman should be able to achieve on her own and i believe i can. But im going to be homeless in California. I have no friends with space for me in Cali and my family as ive said before are basically astranged. I need a vehicle. A cheap vehicle that will get me back and forth to a job. I am sitting on the greyhound now in fort worth tx and have applied to literally 18 jobs! Im determined to do well. I dont want to feel as low as i have in the past few years. I need transportation to get to and from work and i can even sleep in the car in the meantime. I know someone can help me. I wish i didnt have to do it this way. But I'm lost. I have no where to turn. I have not one cent to my name so i cant pay my phone bill or even get food on my trip. Yet i have all the drive in the world to do well, but that drive is so fleeting. My emotions refuse to stay level. I want to be a tattoo artist, or a journalist, or own my own business someday. Im awesome at photoshop and office related work. Im pretty talented. And i love to sing and i sing well! Im a hard worker, and conduct myself more than well in my work environment. So if you guys know of a job let me know!

Thank you kindly to whomever took the time to read my bio. I appreciate you for just reading it whether or not you can help.

Have a wonderful day guys!