After living most of my life seeking self-glorification, attempting to climb the social ladder and attaining financial success, my life started to feel meaningless and without purpose. I
thirsted for something more.
It wasn't until I became a Christian 5 years ago that my perspective started to change. I found my purpose when I started using my
musical abilities to glorify God and help those in need.
As
I grew in my spiritual walk—I became eager to serve others. It started
simply by offering a hand or lending an ear to someone who needed to be
heard. It led to serving in different ministries at church in Brussels—compassion
events, worship team, leading the young adults worship team as well as
being involved in the sound desk ministry and participating in outreach
events. The desire to serve God took over my soul and became my
priority. I wanted to commit myself in
becoming the best person and the best servant-leader I could be so I could help others realize their full potential. If I wanted to grow into the fullness of my destiny I needed
to set apart a dedicated time for God.
I came to Australia not knowing what was ahead of me. I enrolled at Hillsong College about a year ago not knowing how life-changing this journey would be. So many tears, so many doubts, so many fears, so much growth, so much trust, so much faith, so much loneliness, so many reconciliations, so much healing, so many setbacks, so many impossibles, so many miracles, so many new relationships, so many dead ends, so many victories, so many laughters, so much joy, so much... at times even too much and most of the times not enough.
I used to live with plenty and learned to live with very little this year – never lacking for anything. My bank account reached 0 a couple of times but God never let me me go hungry. Instead my faith continually grew.
As the year came to a close, I knew I was meant to stay here a little while longer so I made up my mind that I would sign up for second year.
I truly believe my time here isn’t over and God wants me to pursue Him even more deeply. But He’s not making it easy. He’s making me fight for it.
If I’m honest with myself I feel like one of the Israelites having just crossed the Red Sea on foot with walls of water to my left and to my right. My enemies chasing me crushed by the weight of God’s wrath, swallowed into the depth of the sea. Coming out the other side free of my oppressor with the promise of a land of rest ahead of me and yet doubting God’s purpose for my life, doubting his goodness and provision for me because my present circumstances are seemingly worse than they were in the past.
My journey requires Heavenly vision. It requires eyes of faith. Through the eyes of the world, I’m a lost 37 year old floating through life whose decisions sway to the chaotic dance of the winds. I’m turning 38 in 5 days and have no idea where my life is headed.
Through the eyes of faith however, I’m headed in the right direction because I’m following Jesus and there’s a book filled with promises that assure me of the goodness of my Lord and His love for me. Through the eyes of faith, one minute you have zero, the next you have a thousand. Through the eyes of faith, where on sees nothing, you see plenty. Through the eyes of faith, where one sees a wall, you see a victory.
I’ve been desperately looking for a job since October to save the money to enroll in second year but most of my efforts have not been fruitful. I’ve tried everything and have been rejected pretty much everywhere. I’ve raised the bar of my professional ambitions by applying for a creative director position for a world-impacting ONG and lowered it tremendously too. Last week I even applied at Mc Donald’s only to receive a rejection email 3 minutes later ha-ha. Yesterday I did a cleaning job, cleaning other people’s trash all day. It’s been rough…
It’s not all dim and gloom though. I’ve been able to get some freelance jobs in graphic design which have allowed me to sustain myself but unfortunately, the money coming in isn’t enough to save money. The future looks hopeful too because I may have a few more freelance projects lined up. The problem is in the present and my immediate needs. Like the Israelites…
This job hunt journey has taught me 3 things about myself and about life:
- My determination to follow God’s call supersedes my culturally-indoctrinated notions of success.
- No job is too degrading when you have a goal.
- Rejection doesn’t define my worth.
I’ve humbled myself a lot and discovered there is still a lot of pride in me. The one thing I haven’t done however is ask for help.
After speaking with a friend over the phone in December, I came to realize that maybe what God wants to teach me is to learn how to ask for help. After a couple of weeks of prayer, here I am reaching out to you for help.
The very first thing I need is your prayers for financial provision, wisdom and guidance for my future. The second thing is I would love your support to help me continue my journey. If you feel it in your heart to help me financially with any amount I would greatly appreciate it.
In order to stay, I need the finances to renew my visa, my health insurance coverage and pay my semester fees. The total amount is $5000 and I really need a miracle of God because I need it by January 30th. Yeh, I know… Impossible right? Not to God and not to me. I really believe He’s going to come through and maybe you are part of the miracle or maybe you’re not and that’s totally fine.
Come what may, I know God is with me and whatever lies ahead serves a bigger purpose.
Dedicating my life to help and love others rather than help myself to
the bigger piece of the cake has given me new breath, passion and purpose.
What God is doing in my life will cause a ripple effect into eternity
because of what He will accomplish through my talented hands and my creative mind.
I thank you for taking the time to read this.
God bless you,
Phyl
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