Yup, still a widow... no amount of deeply help hope, or wishes, will change that. Still unemployed - Connor has had a difficult transition to school this year, primarily due to his newfound separation anxiety in the wake of Jim's death. I'm likely going to start with something part-time due to his struggles.
This help is invaluable! Thanks to all, and I'm hoping it can go a little bit higher. Connor needs me to remain more available for a bit longer - able to get him early at afterschool care if he's having a tough day, able to take off for an afternoon and just have some fun! He especially is helped by that. It lets him be a little kid momentarily unburdened by the profound losses that he's endured.
Thought I should update folks a bit now that almost 4 weeks have gone by since Jim's death. (Holy crap - how can it be that long? How can it have just happened so recently? Time = still very screwy).
We are getting through our days, some better than others. Connor and I talk a lot about Papa. He just really wants Papa. ME TOO!! *sigh* Alas... But, we are getting through. He is playing with his friends, enjoying daycamp, and sportin' a mohawk. I got laundry done today! Yay me!
The help we have received from friends/family/strangers has been and continues to be overwhelming, and so deeply appreciated. The funds set up by Christine have assured that my rent is paid at least through September, that Connor will have school clothes, that the power will be on.
Now that the fog is starting to lift, and I'm looking forward at least a bit, I am seeing needs that I had not anticipated; for one, I won't be going back to work until after Connor has started back to school, which is almost another month. There are several days between the end of daycamp and the start of school, and I am going to spend those days with him, exploring Portland, and just - being - with the guy. Then, as time goes forward, I will be finding support groups for both myself and for him.
This will likely entail additional childcare costs for the time it will necessitate my being apart from him in non-work/school hours. If there's one piece of advice I have gotten over and over, and what I know internally without doubt, is that we will need help to get through this really well, and that I MUST take care of myself to be able to be what Connor needs me to be. In this, I can't push myself to the bottom of the priority list as (gra-)mamas are so very good at doing. I will need a support group, thus I will need a babysitter.
Anyway, if anybody out there is still interested, or missed this, or wasn't connected on this here interwebby thingy, this fund is still open. It feels so wrong somehow to post this myself, but another thing I've heard again and again is, "Ask for what you need." Those of you who know me well know just how shitty I am at doing that. Those of you who don't know me well, trust me; I'm really shitty at asking for help.
So, thank you all again - and again - and again... Love from the bottom of my heart.